John Laird: A Victim of Malaplexia?

by lewwaters

College 4By Professor Robert Dean

People read his weekly column and think he’s just an idiot and dismiss him out of hand. But, what most people don’t realize is that he has a lifelong learning disability called Malaplexia.

Malaplexia is a rare condition that causes those suffering under it to always use the wrong word; even though they don’t mean to. For instance, try as he might, John will always use the word “coalition” to describe the self-interested CRC boosters when he means “cabal.” “Snakes” comes out as “stakeholders.” He tries to write “elites” but all he gets is “alliances.”

And don’t question his motives, either. You might think he is pandering to his boss, Scott Campbell, and responding to the call to “raise the decibels.” In fact, he is secretly screwing his boss and the Newspaper by spiking his retirement; working overtime.

As you say, John will retire soon. I can’t imagine he’ll get much true love at his send-off. Maybe, Clark County Conservative could pitch in and buy him a leather-bound and embossed thesaurus – give a little speech and explain to him that it’s not an extinct reptile.

6 Comments to “John Laird: A Victim of Malaplexia?”

  1. When Laird refers to people as cockroaches, that would mean they are well informed individuals with a better idea.

  2. John writes the weekly column for the Columbian that comes out on Sundays and always seems so hostile to the average reader and citizen. He famously coined the pejoratives, “Ankle Biter,” “Hounds of Whinerville,” and “Goofballs,” although the latter was seepage from Jim Moeller, to describe opponents of the expensive Columbia River Crossing project. My thought is that he is horribly misunderstood most of the time.

  3. Yes Robert, Lefties are “horribly misunderstood” But the effects of their tripe are very easy to see. We live it every day.

  4. Sorry I still think that he has Taenia Solium just like Leavitt and Moeller. It isn’t what comes out of the mouth that is the root or cause of the problem. It starts with what you put into your mouth and consequently your brain.

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